Interim Posting and Marriage

Assalamualaikum 

Hi ..Hello there.

How are you? How have you been? 

Me? Let me tell you.

I'm ok, I have a very bad eyesore today. I keep scratching my eyes and now its getting worst. Herm...I been jobless for the past 4 months since July, not 'jobless' actually, just waiting for our posting. Well, recently,after 4 months without a 'real' job (unless you consider doing house chores is a job), I finally received a great news that we are going to be posted. In case some of you didn't know, I graduated in B.ED TESL. Yes, an English teacher for primary school. So, we finally received the news. It an interim posting which means a temporary posting. We will only get the real posting after we pass an interview which will be held at the mid of November. My friends were soo excited that they can finally earn a living. However, the excitement weren't there for long, as most of us were posted to Borneo, Sabah and Sarawak. For me, I was thinking 'how bad it could be?' 

All of us received from the official by sms that were send to our phone. There were three of us who got posted to KUDAT. I was excited because I have my friends there with me, I was hoping to be posted to the same schoo with them, or if not so, at the same area near the pekan. I was wrong. I got posted to the school which is 30km from pekan Kudat. I went to PPD Kudat (Pejabat Daerah Kudat) and met the Guru Besar of he school. But on that day, I was miserable, my mind, heart and soul were fighting with one another. I always remind myself that I was strong and I can do this, but I got sooo frustrated these many things in my mind urge me not to take this posting. So, I decided not to go, because I feel that I need to focus on getting married. I'm getting married at the end of Nov. For some of my friends and family, this was not such a good excuse. :(

I know I CAN do it, staying there at the school for 4 weeks. Having fun with the kids and try to live with the new environment. But, deep in my heart, I can't decide. MY heart is torn into pieces. I have plenty things to do for my wedding. At the same time, I still have the  fears of taking this risk, choosing not to go for the interim posting. Some people understand me, some people not. They still ask me the same questions, telling me the same reasons why I should go. I get more confused.

All I want is for somebody to tell me that it's okay not to go, that he/she knows that I'm strong to take all the risk and that it will be okay. I just want somebody to give reassurance to my decision, not to toss it around and make me miserable. Sometimes I feel that I should just go to that school just to shut people's mouth.But I know, I can't keep the quiet. They will be talking the mind out. All I can do is to pray to Allah S.W.T to help me by showing me the right path, the right road which will be the best for all. 

What Should I do? Ya Allah, aku memohon ampun dari segala dosa-dosa yang pernah aku lakukan. Permudahkanlah segala urusan ku dan bimbinglah aku ke jalan yang benar Ya Allah. Sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Pengampun dan Maha Mengasihani. Amin.

:'( :'( :'(